Hey I’m a junior neuroscience undergrad at UCLA. I just transferred to UCLA from a Cali CC in fall 2018. I had the worst anxiety of my life when I went to UCLA . I knew in the beginning that it was gonna be hard, so I just kept putting myself out there, joining the climbing team, and other social clubs. My anxiety just got worse throughout the weeks- so I saw a therapist and got medication. The meds were just making me tired and not helping with the anxiety. Everyday was a countdown to go home. I felt anxious in the dorm, the dining halls, and Westwood. I was doing well in classes- but damn my emotions and mental state was so bad. I felt hopeless and suicidal. I reached out to a few people in my dorm that I felt I could express my feelings to, and they just told me to take a break. I made it to the end of fall quarter- and I felt like I just got out of prison. Yes, being there made me feel trapped. Even though I’d go to my grandfathers house every 3 weeks for the weekend, everytime I had to go back I felt horrible. The 3 weeks I had of winter break felt awesome- I wanted time to stop. Beginning of winter quarter I withdrew within 3 days because I had 5 panic attacks in a single day and I didn’t sleep for 2 days in a row bc of the anxiety.
You may be wondering, what made me so so so anxious? And the answer to that is the environment. I just didn’t mesh with the UCLA environemnt. I didn’t like the SoCal environment (I’m from NorCal). I felt like it just can’t be my home.
Anyways, now I’m looking to go to a different school because I’ve been out of UCLA for 4 months and I still feel immense amounts of dread with I think about going back. The difficultly I have with the decision to transfer is that UCLA is such a prestigious school that I know I’m so lucky to have gotten into. But UCSC is much closer to home and has the same major as UCLA.
Is the prestige of UCLA worth the mental suffering? Or should I just move on and choose a place that I will suffer less at, like UCSC, but it doesn’t have that brand name, and therefor may not give me the best opportunities after graduation?
You advice is greatly appreciated, thank you!
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